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Saturday, August 22, 2015

I Fall To Pieces


"It could be worse," I whisper—a mantra so overused lately it's as pointless as a dried out, sun rotted rubber band, the one that falls into as many pieces as Patsy Cline's poor broken heart.



Funny how a couple of weeks can feel like an eternity. It's like I'm 15.95 years old, itching to get my driver's license, or like the time my high school girlfriend had to go on summer vacation with her parents to Washington DC. As the Superglue that welds my incision slowly begins to flake away, I can almost hear Karen Carpenter crooning from her anorexic grave, "We've only just begun…

For a restless roamer to have his lifeblood outdoor activities curtailed to pretty much breathing, eating, and sleeping, well, it's like losing the reason to wake up every morning. It's like being put out to "pasture" when you can still run. The only thing missing from my "nursing-home" is the smell of urine. Who knows, maybe that's next.

So far, the only exercise I get beyond padding around the kitchen island is the occasional cough or sneeze… something that could have me spelling "disaster" with the alphabet soup I had for lunch. You see, a cough or sneeze puts a force of over 200 pounds per square on your lower abdominal area. Not so good when the only things holding one's insides in are a few fancy stitches. 

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of a hernia yet, all it takes is one weak spot and it's a blowout waiting to happen. Think about that the next time you come down with a hacking cough or next spring when your allergies flare. That's how and when most hernias take place (achoo!). 

So yeah, ten whole days down and only about 50 more to go till I can begin to ramp up to my former reckless, but wonderful, lifestyle. In the meantime you'll find me eating Scrap Cookies while catching up on Dr Phil an Ellen, and falling to pieces to the tattered love-lifes in Days of Our Lives (Yikes! Aiden is assaulted, Paige demands to know what JJ was doing at Kyle's, and Marlena learns John's been keeping something from her). If you happen to catch me watching Jerry Springer, just go ahead and shoot me.

Here's a few photos from Ms Guide Noir's hike to Columbine Lake with Gang members Chris and Suzanne. Now if you will excuse me, I may have just wet my pants… 
























17 comments:

  1. I've never had a hernia in my 63 years, but I feel for you. I had a hacking cough once and I've always had allergies back here in "the tropics" of Southern Indiana but a change of diet this year eliminated the cough and decreased my sinus problems of the past. Great photos as usual, entertaining posts. To substitute your tv watching I might try a dvd season of Breaking Bad or the eight seasons of Dexter. Hang in there and get better as soon as possible.

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  2. As I age (69 now) the question is is it better to slow down a bit and go farther comfortably or was it better to go for broke, do less but more intensely and live with chronic pain?
    I have the beat up body to prove that intensely will hurt now and later. I always wanted to be like a sky rocket zoom poof and what a ride it was. Now I am leaning toward being more of the brightly glowing coals from a great campfire is better. At least we have choices available.

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  3. I've never enjoyed a hernia as you have, but I've certainly had other things that have "locked me up" for a period of time. Folks say you should use this downtime to meditate and introspect, but frankly I e never had the spiritual development for that. "Get me ooooout". Darn I feel for you. Those are slow days, those indoor days.

    Nina

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  4. After one of Chris's hernia surgeries, he had a "good" friend come to visit and proceed to tell jokes all night. Chris finally ended up laying flat on the floor with a pillow over his incision trying not to laugh. Keep marking those days off of the calendar.

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  5. I feel your pain, and wish it weren't so. Three foot surgeries, two hearts, a previous ear, and a new ear surgery on the horizon have just knocked the stuffing out of my fitness goals. It seems like each time I can come back, but not quite to the level I had previously. That's the worst of it; it's the gradual stair stepping down to the pits of decrepitude. But that's not happening to you! It could be worse.

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  6. Big sigh. Yeah, it could be worse. You might not have the knowledge that you will get back in 50 days to something at least better than it is right now. Having endured surgery for a similar female version of your hernia...kinda...with the 90 days until released and actually NEVER released to life more than 20 pounds, I can commiserate. In fact, my kayak weight 39 beautiful light pounds, and Mo and I lift it to the top of the car. My surgeon flipped out. I will keep on lifting it, no matter. dang.

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  7. At least you can live vicariously through your friends.

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  8. Think of all the "great" TV you are catching up on!! But good to see you are feeling well. Bobbie did a super job with the photos of this beautiful hike. Love the wildflowers and the ice blue lake.

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  9. You could try knee replacement surgery...each knee a year apart. You literally have to learn to walk again...twice. But, eventually, you feel that your knees are as good as ever. And you go from not being to walk around the neighborhood with your wife, to wanting to try Red Mountain #3.

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  10. Get a laugh - check out the poorly rated Wet Hot Summer 2001 for a flash to the past and appreciate how much fun life is...

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  11. Yes, it really could be worse...but I can only imagine how hellish it feels to be stuck "at rest" for days on end. Wishing you well.

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  12. Take care. Keep writing. I so enjoy your blog.

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  13. Oh, no,not again. Each time you have a medical set back, I feel a strange omission from the blog world. Mark, I know you'll rebound and be out hiking at your earliest recovery date.

    Thank you for keeping us posted with your usual wit.

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  14. Just a reminder. Of my hernia. (2). Surgeries. First. - no problem. 1 week recovery. Second. ( 1 week thought I could go back to normal life style ) Horrible mistake. Do not repeat my mistake. Just hard not to live as always in the past- need to move that piano - freezer -safe. Push the car etc etc. etc. -just say no !

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  15. Don't cough, don't sneeze, don't laugh or make any quick moves for the next 50 days. We want you back....

    Bro Dan

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  16. Great laugh, thanks for that. I agree that you need to watch all of Breaking Bad.

    Jim

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