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Saturday, November 29, 2014

A Bolder Boulder

Eight long hours and what'da ya get
Bloodied and brused and soggy dog wet
All for a peek at a slot canyon tube
up a bouldered creek that'll alter your mood

A big sign said that we'd need a per-mit
Or else Mr Ranger Sir will throw a hissy fit
It cost fifteen buck but wha-da-ya gonna do
If ya wanna see the Subway there's "palms" ya got to lube  

We arrived early to the trailhead accordin' to the plan
Then froze our little asses off waitin' on Suzanne
"Better late than never" is her mantra don't ya know
She rolls up in her Tracker in a cloud of blue smoke

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she says on bended knee
A long story followed that none of us believed
"It really doesn't matter," said Box-Canyon Mark
As long as you are good with hiking after dark 

"You'll need two sticks," it's slick as snot up top
Suzanne's ill-equipped for hiking in this slip-slot  
Young John took pity and loaned her one of his
"You're really gonna need it, to do this hike and live"

With Newbie "dressed and saddled" we set foot upon on a trail
It meandered through the cedars then dropped straight into Hell
Slippery ice and sandy boulders, every step required measure
The going slow and frightful to a distant Subway treasure 

(Three toed Dinosaur tracks)

Then a golden aura of peace seeped into the canyon
Spirits soared and faces grinned with reckless teen abandon
Seems the risks involved in finding treasure hidden
Yield great rewards of un-adulterated pleasure, no kiddin' :) 

Oh to be a child again, to scamper hither and yon
To climb the million boulders that threaten us with dawn 
Leaps and bounds across the creek at least a hundred times
The four mile path to "Paradise" not a straight and narrow line

Twas a crash-course in bouldering for Newbie Hiker Suzanne
The curve of learning steepens when things don't go as planned
But she forges on and on not to be discouraged
Collecting bruise and bump like a little "Badge of Courage"

What must I be running from that brings me to this task?
"Is the problem all inside my head" she thinks but never asks
"There must be fifty ways to leave a lover" Simon said
This "new love" is tough enough to make me wish that I were dead

Then suddenly our canyon narrowed overhead
She wonders, "Am I dreaming...is it all just in my head?"
Emerald pools and waterfalls delight and steel her cause
Feeling like little Dorothy off in the Land of Oz

As water overflowed from terraced garden ponds
A mossy grotto formed a mouth that lured us on and on
Seduced by subtle golds and greens, now wading a watered trail
Subway's tubular esophagus led us to the belly of a whale       

We wade, we wander, "Oh my God's" ripple from mouths agape
The clock ticks, time can't wait, we need to navigate
It took four plus hours to find this hallowed place
Only to spend precious minutes then retreat in utter haste

I'd really like to tell you "That's a wrap, that I'm through"
So it is with great regret, there's going to be Part II
I hope you came along on our big adventure in sonnet
As for Part II, Well, I'll get right on it :))


  1. All this and dinosaur tracks, what a place.

  2. Clever man! You would have never made me believe it was going to take EIGHT freekin' hours to do a hike of lesser mileage, otherwise I would have been there at sunrise! You had me running for my life outta there with all the talk about "flashlights."

    Without a doubt, the most challenging hike I have done yet, but equally the most rewarding. I would do it again tomorrow if my feet weren't still sore 2 days later. ;-) Thanks for the superb service, Guide Noir! You redeemed yourself after running off and leaving us like a cold kitten in the Narrows! (Folks, don't let him kid you...Bobbie is the "Guide's Guide.") ;-)

  3. Love it Mark! Do you give tours for all newbies??

  4. So THAT'S what the subway is all about! AWESOME! Looks totally worth the effort. Suzanne is an amazing trooper, I think she was born to do this!

    LOVE the dino tracks!

  5. LOL...really enjoyed the poetry, the scenery, and those tracks!!

  6. Spectacular -- and I loved the poetry! Just curious, how long do you think Suzanne's apprenticeship will take?

  7. Looks really beautiful and really cold. Makes me a tiny bit glad for blood clots.


  8. Oh how your artistic talents abound. Do you carry a whip to keep everybody moving?

  9. I do believe this is a hike for a little warmer day:) You guys are all very brave to complete this in cooler weather with much shorter days. You are doing a great job getting Suzanne out there for all kinds of adventures.

  10. Love your humor and such wonderful pictures!!! Do you take pics in black and white or change them to black and white after you download them? They really make for interesting contrasts. What camera do you have? I am looking for a new one. Wow! Still hiking in Zion! I am jealous!

  11. You have outdone yourself. And kudos to Suzanne for her perserverance. Looks cold in the canyon. Brrrrr!


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