Confession, good for the soul of an Addict

The sun did come up after all, so a few members of "The Gang" went in search of a little Slot Canyon Solace yesterday, an attempt to put the election behind us, renew spirits, hopes, dreams... directions. 

 
A few weeks ago "something" clicked, or maybe "snapped" is a better word. After reading Spotted Dogs "final" blog post... watching the "Ted Talk" she linked to... the one that caused her to rethink, reevaluate, and reverse course, if you will, and go "cold turkey" off the new crack cocaine addiction we now commonly refer to as "Social Media," I decided to follow her lead. The BCB was laid to rest without so much as a goodbye... like a massive heart attack, boom. Gone. Too much time; so little reward. And, fittingly, no one really seemed to notice. Ok, three people noticed...


It's not the first time I've quit blogging. It's a testament to the highly addictive properties of America's new "drug," Social Media... you can even major in it at college these days. 

It is a DRUG, you know... always on your desk, in your pocket... in your hand!  Hell, it even accompanies us to the crapper. That's right, America can't even take a shit without their God Dammed Device!  

The sign said, "Warning: Devices will not work beyond this point. Proceed at your own risk!"

 I tried to calculate the amount of time I waste on S. M. and it was shocking. So I began to wonder, as I'm prone to do, what might be accomplished if "wasted time" was redirected to something else, like writing, painting... communicating with other people by mouth instead of text. You know, talking... the kind where you say something, then I say something, then you say something...  That's how we made friends in the olden days, by striking up a conversation face to face, eye to eye (shudder). 
  

Wonder where this path leads?

 There's no better place to get to know someone than where "devices" don't work. 

Where was I... Oh yes, I stopped blogging; Basically it had become a Time-suck. I wondered if I might be avoiding something... a couple of dreams, a project... Bobbie?

Funny how addictions work. It was easy to not blog... for a while. I didn't quit taking photos, though, so they began to stack up... hundreds, thousands! It seemed wasteful. WTF, am I going to quit being a photographer too? I mean, why take photos only to file them away in the dark recesses of a hard-drive? I looked at my little Cannon, strapped on my belt loop like always, never out of reach. Lord. Are cameras devices too? Lines were getting blurred. My hands began to tremble... not much, just a little. What does that mean?

So if a former blogger is not going to blog anymore, why continue to take photos? 

Looking deeper, I think I was still angry. Angry?  Ok, jealous. There. I said it. Not proud of it. 

This demonstrates the insidious nature of "S. M. addiction;"  I hate to admit, but if I'm going to beat this habit I've got to come clean, stand up, say it in front of the "group," the world. "Hello. My name is Mark Johnson and I'm an S. M. addict... uh, not SadoMasochism, Social Media... blogging to be specific, with a little Facebook on the side. 

I know it sounds pathetic, but I like "likes," "shares," and "comments." I like the way they make me feel. God. How fucking shallow is that! Poor Pathetic Bastard. 

But if it happened to me It can happen to you! Maybe it already has. Be honest, now, because if you've reached the point of being able to lie to yourself and believe it, "recovery" will be long and hard, my friend. 

So without a blog, no platform to display photos, no way to share "the beauty," no "pulpit" from which to preach, no stage to tell a story, zero comments instead of 3 or 5 or, on a good day, maybe 10 (while RV Sue gets hundreds?), no way to get a "Fix" of recognition...  Hey, look at me. I am somebody! Well, let's just say it was a "hard landing." Anonymity is like solitary confinement... it feels like a vacuum... not enough air. Oh for a nice clean needle...
  

Who am I without a pulpit, a camera, an audience? Do I still exist? Hollywood is full of insecure, needy people. Maybe the blogosphere is just another "Hollywood," for people who aren't pretty enough? 

Then there's the trend to deal with... where practically everybody has a blog of some sort be it RV, travel, sewing, quilting, painting, photography, family. 

In case you haven't noticed, the RV industry is blowing up. RV parks are full, campgrounds are overrun, boondockers are proliferating. Recreation is on fire, exploration is driving ever-expanding markets for SUVs, 4WDs, ATVs, Motorcycles, toys, and Toy Haulers. Everyone has a Go Pro... including newly retired Boomers, who seem to be clogging up the backroads with bigger and bigger rigs, more toys, and enough solar panels to light a small town. 

Everyone blog and blog and blogs nowadays. The pie is getting sliced to death. There seems to be nothing new, no place that hasn't been seen and written up a hundred times. 

Why continue? Why would any sane person keep spending what little time they have left blogging? Even professional athletes must eventually hang up their cleats... retire, move on, find new interests, fill all that time they have post retirement. 

  

Am I back or am I gone? Is this the "farewell" post. I hope so. Maybe if I can get back to blogging for the right reasons, lose a little sensitivity about comments... stop equating them with approval. 

Maybe I'll just put up photos... no story, no mood swings, no sermons, no big time investment, no expectations. Just bare naked photos. 

Mark, Undecided... still in "recovery," somewhere in Utah, hiking, mountain biking, and living out the "third act" as a Free Bird.