Tuesday, January 21, 2014
It turns me inside out to write this so I'll make this post short and to the point…
On the brink of surgery it was discovered that I had a small blood clot in my left calf muscle. It had been increasingly painful for the past five days and, having had a clot post back surgery in 2010, I had an uneasy hunch and went to the ER for a "scope." Test "positive." It seems once one has a clot they are forever a target for another. Part of the last one embolized to my lung, which is dangerous. This one was caught early enough…just approaching a vein large enough to carry it "North," tho one never knows.
Surgery is postponed a minimum of three months, could be as much as five or six, whenever I'm off blood thinners that will dissolve the clot. It pretty much changes how we wanted to spend the rest of this winter.
At this point I am still reeling from the improbable diagnosis, that when one has had a blood clot lightning can strike twice. Yet, on some level I'm lucky/thankful/aware that it could have been worse (my new mantra, apparently) and that I'm still around. I long ago put "death" in proper perspective and have no fear it. What I do have a fear of, tho, is living in a circumstance or situation that doesn't allow me to "Live" on my terms, which is with every thing I've got.
The downside...I must live with a hernia for a few more months, one that limits activity, detonates plans, and, for now, keeps me in Lovely Ouray against my will. I have become "one of them," those people I use to feel sorry for that got dealt a bad hand they didn't deserve.
The BCB may be sporadic; I just don't know for sure. I'm not good at putting on a cheery face. But I will, at least at home, for Bobbie. In the end, "woe is me" really, really, really, only makes situations like this worse.
In lieu of flowers…go flip off the Universe, then take a hike.